


정지한 Bullet

by LovelyChand



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Psychopaths, Gen, M/M, Psychological Drama, Psychopaths In Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:55:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyChand/pseuds/LovelyChand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Jung Taekwoon smells of bullets, no emotions, and Hongbin.</p><p>***</p><p>Mama, I did it.<br/>I did what you told me to do.<br/>I killed myself.</p><p>But I killed them, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where I Talk to Mama

"Mama, come back.

 

Mama, but you're dead.

 

Mama, I killed you.

 

Mama, but I don't feel bad.

 

Mama, you said I'm a monster.

 

Mama, but I don't feel mad.

 

Mama, I loved you. I cried for you.

 

Mama, but I don't feel sad.

 

Mama, I'm not a monster, I'm human.

 

Mama, but I don't feel.

 

_Mama, but I don't feel!_

 

Mama, maybe I am a monster.

 

Mama.

 

 **What do I do?** "

 

 

 


	2. Where You Do Not Know Me

A small introduction. Please don't mind, I'm not one to linger on anything other than the necessities.

My name is Jung Taekwoon. My fans call me Leo. My fellow members call me Jung Leo. I call myself a coward.

I am known as the tall, quiet boy from VIXX, the slightly violent one who can sing and dance pretty well. Since I was a child, I have been called strong. I have been called fierce. I have been called independent. Sometimes they think I'm knightly. Sometimes they think I'm scary. Sometimes they think I'm cute. But regardless to what they call me, think of me, or how they know me, only one person  _knows_  me.

Lee Hongbin _knows_.

Jung Taekwoon is a killer.

 

 

My name is Jung Taekwoon. This is the story of how I was born dead. This is the the story of how I died dead.

 

 


	3. Where We Meet Little Hongbin

_4.675 centimeters by 4.8 centimeters by 4.25 centimeters. Far from the dimensions of an actual cube. And this definitely isn't orange. It's red orange._

_I place the block back carefully in the box labelled_ **BLOCKS** _in a neat, familiar writing. It's the same writing that writes_ Good Job! _on my alphabet worksheets. It's the same writing that wrote a note to Mama about her suspicions as to my "interesting behaviour"._

_A boy comes. He walks towards me, then stop 58.7 centimeters from where I sit on the floor. He is not my mother. Nor is he my one of sisters. Nor is he Mrs. Kim. I am forbidden to respond to him. Instead, I look up at him. Mama never forbade me to acknowledge others._

_He's pretty. And cute. His smile is beautiful. That goes for all children. But his eyes, they glint._

_They glint with a light I've never seen, therefore cannot identify. They glint with a light that burns something in my soul that it's never felt, therefore cannot identify. They glint with a light that he shouldn't have had at such a young age. But I'm glad he does. This boy, we look at each other for the first time, and he makes me feel something for the first time. It scares me. I like it._

_This boy then does something I didn't expect. He doesn't say hello. He doesn't ask my name. He doesn't say anything at first. Instead, he holds out his hand. A realistic toy gun, he holds. I look at his hand. I look at him. He takes my hand, opens it, and places the gun in it. He takes my other hand and pulls me up. And then he levels another gun, his gun, to my head. He picks up my hand, now holding the gun correctly, level to his own head._

_I hear his voice for the first time. "3. 2. 1."_

_A mechanical_ bang _finishes his words, as he fakes being shot and dying. I stand there. Then I hear the most beautiful sound I've heard yet._

_He laughs._

_"My name is Hongbin. I know your name is Taekwoon. I like you. Let's be friends!"_

 

_This boy is unlike anyone else I've met yet. He's different, just like me._


	4. Where Crimson Stains Bleed

137.16 centimeters by 187.96 centimeters by 19.84 centimeters. Far from the dimensions to fit someone my size on it. And these spots definitely aren't red. They're crimson.

I sit folded on the bed. Looking directly in front of me, a mirror paints the picture of my surroundings. A person lies, with blood staining their clothing and the bedsheet crumpled underneath them. A knife, painted red, no, crimson, lying towards the right at the foot of the bed. A young boy, sitting, with beautifully crimson-stained hands, as crimson as Snow White's lips.

Wait. That is not a boy. That is a man, a cowardly man named Jung Taekwoon, with beautifully crimson-stained hands.

 

 

And the person is Lee Jaehwan. 

 

 

 


	5. Where I Almost Cry

_I sit at the lunch table. I sit alone. I do not have food. This is normal. I am glad._

_But then again, this is not normal. The scrape of the chair on my left is not normal. The lunch bag packed with two lunches by one person is not normal. The greeting kiss on my cheek is not normal._

_I am gladder._

_Hongbin sits, taking out one of the lunches and sliding in my direction. He makes his own lunch because his parents are dead, but he still makes me a lunch everyday. I am the reason his parents are dead._

_“You would not believe what happened in art class today! Remember Mr. Choi, our music teacher from second grade? Well, he substituted Mr. Lee today! And it amazing, when he was showing us this demonstration…” He couldn’t hold it in, and fell into a fit of giggles._

_I look at Hongbin’s face as the rest of the world falls away, and instead I look down to see little Hongbin in front of me again. He is still laughing._

 

A lady’s voice fades in from behind him, panic settled deep inside. Her footsteps click, making more noise than necessary. “Hongbin, can,” _Can you not see you’re putting your life in danger?_ “Can I speak to you for a moment? Outside? It’s important. Taekwoon, you,” _You are a monster. How dare you try to hurt sweet Hongbin?_ “You go back to… whatever you were doing.”

And the lady, Mrs. Kim, drags Hongbin hastily into the hall. I get a glimpse of Hongbin’s face, contorted in pain from Mrs. Kim’s crushing grip on his forearm. Some force pulled me up to follow them discreetly. I think it might have been the tears beginning to well in his eyes. They made me feel like my heart was hurting.

Behind the class door, I shut out the noise from the other students and focus my hearing on the conversation outside. This was difficult, as the volume from my hyperactive classmates (they just had lunch) prevailed. Eventually, hushed voices dance into my ears.

Mrs. Kim said, “Hongbin, I’m going to make this as simple as possible for you. Do not play with, do not talk with, hell, don’t even make eye contact with Taekwoon anymore. You will get hurt.”

Hongbin said, “But Mrs. Kim, he is lonely. If I do not play with him, he will hurt more himself than he can ever hurt me. And,” I can almost hear the soft smile wash over his face, making his eyes twinkle. “I like him. You like him, too. He’s nice. He listens in class quietly. He’s smart. And beautiful. You said that yourself, right, Mrs. Kim?”

And Mrs. Kim said, “But that’s the problem! He’s too nice! He’s too quiet! He’s too smart, he’s too beautiful! I know his type of people when I see them; they will only do more damage! Hongbin, there are some things which you do not know, and I pray to whoever’s above that you never will. Just listen to me. Taekwoon is special. I know I explained in class that everyone’s special but he’s… he’s a different special. He shouldn’t be here with the rest of us. He might hurt someone. I need you to stay away from him. I am your teacher, and I gave my word to your parents that I’ll protect you. This is for your protection. Hongbin, stay away from Taekwoon.”

And Hongbin said, “I don’t care what you told my parents! You know they don’t actually care about me. Mrs. Kim, I’m want to stay beside Taekwoon. He needs me.” I do need you. And then he whispers even softer than before, “I need him.”

And Mrs. Kim said, “Lee Hongbin.” She must be mad. She doesn’t ever call Hongbin by his full name. “You are to promise that you’ll never be with Taekwoon again. I’m not letting you leave here until you do.”

I hear a sniffle. Then footsteps. There might have been a nod in between, but I am unable to hear movements. And then the door opens.

“Oh, Taekwoon! What are you doing here?” _You don’t deserve to be among the rest of us._ “You should just, I don’t know, go draw or something. I’m afraid Hongbin has something to do right now. Right, Hongbin? Hongbin?”

We both look to the angel standing there, eyes still slightly wet. His gaze is down, unable to lie while looking at me. But when he does look at me, oh when he does! I thought I did not want him to look into my eyes because I’m afraid he will get lost in the darkness, but rather he shines a light as he strolls through them, searing through me. I feel it, too. Suddenly, I understand that Hongbin will always be more powerful than me.

My eyes start to water, just the tiniest bit, but enough for Mrs. Kim to notice.

“Taekwoon, you…” _You can feel? You monster, you do not feel! You cannot feel! You monster, you don’t feel, you KILL!_ “You should just go to your desk.”

I do as I’m told. Not because I was obeying Mrs. Kim. No, because for the first time, I was scared.

I was scared of Hongbin.

 

_“I couldn’t stop laughing! I wish you’d been there. But, then again, I don’t think you want to be in the same class as me, do you? You didn’t let me join music class because you’re in it.”_

_I was overwhelmed by the sudden change in Hongbin’s mood. Flustered, I try to deny it, but he shushes me. “Leo.” It was his way of calming me, using my nickname. It was only his to use, but for some odd reason, everybody else likes to use it, too. I didn’t like that. “Leo, don’t lie to yourself or to me. I know you’re trying to push me away because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me. Don’t do that, Leo. You’ll only hurt me if you leave me, understand?”_

_I understand again that Hongbin will always be smarter than me, wiser than me, more powerful than me._

_I am scared of Hongbin._

_I am also in love with Hongbin._

 

 


	6. Where Lips Are Blue (But Not From Asphyxiation)

Another person lies, but instead on the linoleum tiles of the kitchen. The black and white contrasted the porcelain skin. I’m surprised it didn’t shatter as he fell.

He was too beautiful to stain, unlike Jaehwan. Not that Jaehwan isn’t beautiful, but he is _too_ beautiful. Not as beautiful as Hongbin, but of course, Hongbin isn’t entirely human in his beauty. No, Hongbin is beautiful, but he is ethereal. He cannot be stained. That is the truth.

I look at him. Even when his body is silent, even when his body is still, I am awed by how it was able to fall in such a graceful position. It didn’t even look like he was sleeping. He was dancing, a dance unfathomable for a mere human. A dance of pain, a dance of release, a dance of darkness, a dance of light, a dance of freedom. You do not know.

A blue-tinted water bottle lies 1.76 meters from his right hand. A pity, had the water bottle been untinged, or had he paid some attention to his intuition. A pity. But it had to be done, there was no other choice. That is the truth.

 

 I’m sorry.

 

The drink matched his lips. A beautiful blue. No, a beautiful cyan, softer yet bolder than the clear summer morning sky. His stained lips do not make his beauty deteriorate; no, but it contours it to an even bolder expression. It is unbelievable. Am I hallucinating? A mere human cannot be this beautiful. He is.

For a passing moment, I feel something hurt my heart. It is different this time, something I felt before. It hurt, and it made me want to throw the cyanide pills from my hands away. It made me want to turn back time, to stop myself from touching the water. It made me want to believe this was just a scary nightmare. But I was awake.

The cyan on his pale lips are beautiful. The black and white stage he dances on makes him even more beautiful. He is beautiful. No, not beautiful, he is ethereal.

 

I felt the hurt before when I stained Lee Jaehwan.

 

I’m sorry, Han Sanghyuk.

 

 

 


End file.
